May Day May Day!

   Yesterday saw our annual Men Only Mystery May Day out and as usual we left Blackwither's full of anticipation and bacon butties. "Roxy", who will be familiar to our Sunday lunchtime

                                                                  Tapster's Promise

regulars, provided the on-bus entertainment and aisle seats were at a premium. This years' theme was "vegetables" and several regulars joined in with the spirit and dressed accordingly.
   Our driver Mick was the lucky winner of the prize for guessing our mystery destination which turned out to be Colne, the poor man's Hebden Bridge.
   First stop for our beery amigos was the Red Lion. A good old fashioned boozer serving Sam Smith's Old Brewery Bitter. Unfortunately there was a sign on the window saying "We sell drink not drunks" so we decided not to risk it and headed off to the local Spoon's.

 

Bogs at Wallace Hartley

  You're guaranteed good ale, rubbish service and a sticky table at most Spoons but at this one everything was spot on. The pub is named after Wallace Hartley, local lad and bandleader on the Titanic when it was sunk by an iceberg. Out of respect we made Derek, who was dressed as a lettuce, sit in the beer garden.
   Next stop was The Tapster's Promise, a newly opened micropub less than five minutes away. The Dark Star bitter was on exceptional form and some of our more experimental suppers tried the beardy beers of which there was quite a choice. The lad behind the bar, Oliver, seemed a decent cove despite what we'd previously heard, and provided us with nuts and Bombay mix. The decor left a lot to be desired consisting of chipboard, rusty metal and a series of "artworks" that looked more like broken windows. Having said that we enjoyed our visit and stayed a lot longer than expected. We eventually made it back to Blackwither's to see Burnley secure their place in the Premiership. An excellent day out.

Pasty Tax repealed!

To celebrate the repeal of the so-called Pasty Tax and the recent French Presidential elections, Blackwithers' chef Archie Sunblest has created a pie using horse meat. The Hollande's Pies will be available from Sunday or possibly Saturday, if the ground is a bit soft underfoot at Ripon.

Olympic torch route

Now that the government has given the go ahead to the controversial "fracking" process of extracting natural gas in the North West, the organizers have decided to change the route of the Olympic torch accordingly, reports The Bispham Bugle.

Pasty Tax

  After several heated conversations in the snug we've come up with a way to defeat the dreaded pasty tax. Our legal eagle Phil Shawshawandshaw maintains that the tax is only applicable on pasties sold above ambient room temperature. Basically, if the bar is as warm as the pasty then no tax!
    With this in mind we've organized a peat cutting morning for next Sunday, under cover of darkness, prior to our regular opening.
    A free buffet will be your reward and exotic dancer Roxy has promised to do something "a little bit special" not only as a big thankyou but also to mark the Tate Britain retrospective of local lad made good Damien Hirst. Let's hope it includes some dead animals as we've already seen her spots.
   Later in the evening we have a benefit gig with country and western tribute artist Pasty Cline and Derby prog rockers Anti-Pasti Tax. Tickets on sale at the bar.

Spines, cuts and scars

Brrr! Spines, Cuts and Scars. That's the title of Blackwithers' lounge lizard and snug salamander Paul Edmondson's latest  painting exhibition. After a successful run in our Stables Gallery the show moves on, turns left and takes the A56 to Colne, Lancashire where it can be found hanging on the walls of rival hostelry The Admiral Lord Rodney, purveyor of fine ales and multiple - choiced crisps. A word of warning... during weekdays the aforementioned pub doesn't open 'til four so it's necessary to go to The Red Lion first. Unless you want to sit outside with some tins, so I suppose it's down to the weather. I mean it were lovely t'other week when me and Doris went to Liverpool but look at it now! I dunno.

a lady writes...

Dear Blackwithers,
                             Whilst making up the numbers for a mixed foursome at Chuffington Golf Club on Boxing Day I sliced a shot on the seventh. As the ground was, as our friends in the racing fraternity call it, "good to soft", I can only put my foul disposition down to an ill considered double wager concerning Kauto Star winning the King George for an unprecedented fifth time and the demise of Prince Phillip. The object of my aggression veered to the left at a trajectory of approximately 18 degrees whilst the resulting divot disappeared to my right. After a short search, curtailed by an encroaching foursome with Masonic tendencies, I continued with my sport.
                           Later in the day as I relaxed in front, and slightly to the right, of the television, my attention was drawn to a contestant on the misnamed "Celebrity Mastermind". A Mr. Steven Harley, being neither celebrity nor mastermind, appeared to have found the small piece of turf I accidentally excavated from the seventh.
                            If Mr. Harley would be so kind as to return the aforementioned sod to Chuffington I will personally reward him with tea and biscuits, especially, as I believe Mr. Harley is a musician, if he brings his trumpet.
                                                   
                                                      Yours faithfully,
                                                                                  Judith Teen, Lady Captain.

ken russell

  It is with great sadness that we heard of the passing of Ken Russell one of Britain's finest film directors.
    Let it not be forgotten that Ken drew his inspiration for the classic scene in "Women In Love" from our very own Blackwithers Sunday Afternoon Session where he was a regular.
   In the movie Alan Bates and Oliver Reed wrestle naked in front of a roaring hearth. This Sunday, in the snug, we present Richard "Heyho" Flint verses The Gisburn Grappler and our ever popular audience participation "tag" match with talented amateur Little Nev (who's a bit of a greasy customer, let me tell you!)
  All this for £5 including pie, peas, gravy and a blessing from the Bishop of Bispham and Cleveleys.
   Please note: due to the increased electricity prices and a slump in the sale of pork scratchings after the appearance of Phil "Coconut" Shaw, two bars instead of the usual three will be used on the log effect fire.
  In tribute to Mr. Russell music from his film "Tommy", based on the life of WW2 soldier Tommy Atkins and based on the concept album by George Formby, will be played during the pies.